I left out some of the traditional favorites simply because they fall somewhere between awesome and godawful. I get happy when I hear "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" but I don't get giddy. Jingle Bells, Up on the Rooftop, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, O Christmas Tree...they're all nice, but they're sort of part of the wallpaper at this point. I also excluded the new classics such as "Snow in Monroe" and "I'm a Cambodian Sweatshop Elf" simply because they're not popular enough yet. Oh, and though "Do They Know It's Christmastime" didn't make either list, I do want to point out that it is indeed World Humanitarian Extraordinaire Bono singing the line, "well tonight, thank God it's them instead of you." Nice work, Bono.
The Best of the Best
1. O Holy Night - Josh Groban - Yeah, I know I'm a fag because I like Josh Groban's version of "O Holy Night." It's on my iPod. You listen to that song and tell me it's not perfect.
2. Silver Bells - Bing Crosby - It's classic, it's enjoyable, it's easy to sing. The holiday season doesn't start for me until I hear Bing sing "city sidewalks..."
3. It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas - Johnny Mathis - I don't mean to sound ignorant here, but...is Johnny Mathis Indian? His hair is confusing me!
4. Christmas, Why Can't I Find You? - James Horner and Taylor Momsen - this song was in the Grinch movie. They released Faith Hill's version of it as a single, but this version is better. Simple, sweet, nostalgic, hopeful. Just a damn fine Christmas song.
5. White Christmas - Bing Crosby - having spent my entire childhood in a place where it never snowed, this song always spoke to me. Every kid in Texas hoped it would snow on Christmas day, and only once, in 1987 (I think), did that ever happen. It wasn't even real snow, just floaty ice. (side note: I just googled to find out the exact year and discovered that it snowed in Texas on Christmas day 2004! Unfair! I was in the northeast!!)
Worst of the Worst
1. 12 Days of Christmas - the holiday equivalent to "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall," except somehow more annoying since people forget what comes after the maids a' milking. Geese a laying? Pipers piping? Drummers drumming?
2. Wonderful Christmastime - It should be noted that I was a pretty big fan of the Beatles when I was in high school. Sgt. Pepper, Abbey Road, both among my favorites. But this song makes me want to pull my hair out. It's absolutely terrible and Paul McCartney should be ashamed.
3. Deck the Halls (Mannheim Steamroller version) - this song almost gets a pass due to its involvement in one of my all-time favorite traditions at Tech. But I just can't ignore the synthesizers.
4. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - I always thought this song was just silly, but my mom once went on a tangent about how awful it was. That made it even funnier, but for her sake, I'll include it on this list.
5. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas - this one earns the dubious distinction of being the only Christmas song that actually scares me. Little Gayla Peevey's voice is the soundtrack to my nightmares. If you don't believe me, watch this.
6. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Apparently this kid is used to seeing his whore of a mother liplocked with another man. "Oh, what a laugh it would have been if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night." These are the lyrics. What a laugh it would have been?! Hey kid! What a laugh it would've been to spend Christmas day at an orphanage wiping the remnants of a murder/suicide off your stocking!
7. Deck the Halls (traditional version) - My disdain for this song can be explained in nine simple words...er, sounds. Fa La La La La La La La La.
8. The Chipmunk Song - Alvin and the Chipmunks - do I really need to explain myself on this one? If you can listen to Alvin sing "Me, I want a hula hoooop" without simultaneously laughing and screaming "this is so terrible!" then you have my respect.
This is probably a strange way to get back into the blog after a five week layoff. But I didn't really feel like trying to remember the last five weeks of my life and figured I'd just pretend I never left. Actually, there has been a healthy amount of drama in my life lately. I went to New Orleans a few weeks ago to visit the girlfriend. Things were fine, but once again, she got waaaaay too drunk and lost her mind. I mean, she turned into the devil. Moody, affectionate, snappy, lovey, mean...it was maddening. We had a nice big blowout fight on Saturday night but (sort of) made up on Sunday. I was getting to the point where I was ready to write her off. I just couldn't handle the moodiness anymore. Then this past Friday it all came to a head. I won't go into exhaustive detail about what happened, but she treated me like shit. Lower than shit. (note: I actually wrote a very long, very detailed blog posting about what transpired, but decided not to post it. Too many inconsequential details, too depressing) Anyway, it was over. Then it wasn't over. Then it was over. There was a lot of talking (feelings, feelings, feelings), a lot of explaining, a lot of excuses (some valid, some ridiculous) and after it was all said and done...we're in the same spot we were a week ago. Together. Happy. Okay. But now I'm keeping my heart in a fireproof safe and waiting (expecting) to be proven (once again) that no one ever really deserves a second chance. (I realize the past two paragraphs are very cryptic, but hey.) 
Anyway. The job search is still ongoing. Today I had a writing test for a PR agency in Dallas. The same PR agency in Dallas. So if you're scoring at home, I've had two phone interviews, two face-to-face interviews and now a two-part writing test. I applied for a job, right? They're not gonna shake my hand and say, "congratulations! We've approved your application to adopt a baby! Here ya go!" Anyway, I also have a second interview on Friday with an Advertising agency in Houston. Who knows what's going to happen. At this point I'm sick of thinking about it. But I am glad to be back! Once I get a job, I'll have to do a 4,000 word mailbag to make up for my negligence! Oh boy!
5 comments:
When I worked at Gap during college, "Wonderful Christmas" and "Do They Know It's Christmas" were among the songs played on repeat. So imagine hearing those ALL DAY LONG. I wanted to hang myself with a pair of Long and Leans.
Pleeeeease post more! Good luck with job stuff - and give an angry drunk a chance, hopefully she'll come to her senses (though you may have to have a couple more fights for that to happen. Not that I'd know...)
you forgot "Christmas Shoes." THE ABSOLUTE WORST christmas song ever written.
It's the one about the kid trying to buy his mom some shoes, so that she can wear them in HEAVEN, she's dying--that night I think(?)-- doesn't have enough money (supposedly! scam artists can be 9 younger these days...) and he gets a stranger (song singer guy) to give him the extra money. I just hope the kid was after some Choos, and the guy had to fork over $798 to make up for the kid's monetary shortcomings.
Merry fuckin' Christmas!
Capt.
k gets a point for christmas shoes- even i hate it and i love every christmas song. you forgot the best one - dominic the italian christmas donkey. it brings a little culture to the stations! ha ha! as for your special lady friend, dump the zero and get with the hero!!! ooooooo, boo-ya! ha ha ha!
-megggg meggity meg
I have to chime in here. "Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt is the worst. It makes me feel uncomfortable, seductive singing and Santa don't mix well. My favorite Christmas song ironically is Sufjan Steven's "That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!" Great song for a lazy day when it is too cold to do anything else.
I hope you get that cute little Chinese baby instead of a job. That would be way more fun!
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