Adventures in Temp Work, Part 2

Alright! Day two! Today I brought a book and some CDs to help quell the bordem a little. Right now I'm relaxing to the smooth sounds of Chet Baker. Umm..."smooth" probably isn't the right word. Because "smooth jazz" is god awful. Lots of fweedling saxophones and cheesy lyrics. Well, Chet Baker's lyrics may be a tad cheesy, but old, old songs are excused. No one today could get away with saying, "You tied a string around my heart, so how can I forget you? With every kiss I know that this is always." Ah. Knock 'em dead, Chet.

So, who watched the Biggest Loser last night?! Nobody? That show is amazing. Long ago, I stopped watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition because I hated that I always got a lump in my throat at the end of every episode (they tug at your heart-strings like it's the goddamn ripcord); but I must say, Biggest Loser has been getting me week in and week out. In what other reality show do the contestants actually pull for each other?! I've never heard someone say, "I hope that fat bitch gains 30 pounds this week." Nor have I ever seen contestants spiking each other's food with MSG or replacing their toothpaste with cake frosting.

I've actually been enjoying the fact that I don't have cable these days. Aside from the kitsch of owning a $15 black-and-white TV, complete with a turn dial and giant rabbit ears, I don't have to groan when the cable bill comes, and I've found that network TV isn't bad these days - NBC in particular. Before you roll your eyes and peg me as a company man who'd had entirely too much Kool Aid, consider the following: Heroes, Studio 60, the entire Law & Order franchise (SVU being my personal favorite), the Office and Scrubs. Not to mention Conan. That's pretty tough to beat. And Dave, don't you dare mention American Idol to me in your inevitable FOX defense.

Anyway, today is my last day of employment until further notice. I must admit, for all the reasons I hate being unemployed - aside from the implicit poverty, which may require me to steal a couple rolls of toilet paper when I leave this office today - it bothers me that I won't get to go to a company office party this year. I've gone to one in my entire life.

My first Christmas as a fully-employed productive member of society was when I lived in Minneapolis and worked for a financial planner. The Christmas party was at some guy's house, and I wasn't too terribly interested in standing around with all of my (much) older co-workers. The next year I was interning at NBC, but the Christmas party was canceled due to the fact that our department's CEO was in a plane crash. Fair enough. Last year, I attended a Christmas party for the PR agency I worked at, which was held at the Bryant Park Grill. There was free booze and ice skating - one of the more irresponsible combinations available - but I'll take it! So I got good and liquored up, took a few laps around the track and proceeded to the after-party, which was sure to last until 4 am.

The only problem, and this is sort of a big one: my team was scheduled to present our 2006 plan to the client at 9:00 the next morning. I won't bore you with the heirarchical specifics about who they were, but essentially these were the top dogs. And this presentation was the culmination of over a month of researching, strategizing and planning - presented neatly in two 100 page Power Point presentations. We were supposed to be at the office at 8:00 to get everything ready, so naturally, when I snapped awake at 8:15, sheer panic ran through me. I (still drunk) got into the shower, threw clothes on as quickly as I could, then ran to the subway station, where, regardless of how fast I got there, was forced to wait for the train and sit for 30 minutes before getting to the office. Somehow, I got in just before 9:00, and the rest of the team was already quietly, angrily, hungoverly(?) tending to their work. I'm sure the stink of booze was permeating from every pore of my body (including my bloodshot eyes) during the presentation, not to mention the fact that I was downing bottles of water like a camel, but I kept it together, aside from the occasional mop of the forehead.

So, sadly, I won't be having any of those adventures this year. Though, I am scheduled to go to a couple of regular Christmas parties; and parties free of the workplace-induced inhibitions brought on by the fear of doing something stupid and losing your job are the best kind.