From the Value Menu...

I really don't have anything to say today, but I did want to write something. My boss is in Dallas, so I've got nothing but time on my hands until 5:00. Let's make some Knuggets, shall we?

Tonight is date night. Sonia and I are going to see Wall-E and then I'm gonna make dinner. Why am I making dinner? I have no idea. Buying everything for the dinner cost me about $70. We could've gone to a pretty nice restaurant for that and chances are, it probably would've tasted good (unlike the flavorless slop I'm preparing). Actually the menu is identical (identical) to the dinner I made for D*nna last summer. Why am I using the exact same menu? Well, because I'm not very creative when it comes to cooking. And also, because Sonia is a little picky. In fact, I was gonna make this awesome wasabi salmon, but she won't eat salmon. Hmm...Whatever. It's a nice thing to do, and it should be fun. Assuming I don't burn down my apartment complex. (side note: The kissing has started. So no need to worry. Thanks.)

I consider myself a pretty progressive guy. I have a fancy phone. I'm fairly knowledgeable about electronics and advances in...uhh...science...and stuff. But there's still a part of me that's kinda old school. I shave with shaving cream and a razor. None of this Norelco nonsense for me. I sometimes call a swimsuit a "bathing suit." I may switch to "bathing costume," actually. One of my favorite musicians ever, Chet Baker, is a trumpet player who's been dead for twenty years. I drink coffee out of a mug every morning. I occasionally wear a tie to work. There's a Polaroid camera sitting on top of my fridge. Umm...that's it, really. Anyone want to chime in with their own old school tendencies?

The Fourth of July is on Friday. I've always believed the Fifth of July should be national holiday as well. How can they expect us to drink dozens of beers in the sun and then come into work the next day? Same goes for the Day After The Super Bowl. Seriously, Congress wouldn't pass this? Sure they would (side note: having checked my July 4th entry from last year, it seems I've already made that point. Meh.). Anyway, I only have tentative plans so far, so I might do a little BBQ-hopping. I enjoy the Fourth of July. It's really the only day of the year I ever eat watermelon. It's a grand old flag and yankee doodle, etc, etc!

I came across this link, and I was wondering, what would your "celibacy price" be? By that I mean, what would it take for you to GIVE UP SEX FOREVER? Money? HOW much? Infinite wishes from a genie? Please answer. Thanks. Kalinda w/ a K. Austin, TX

When I was in college, I took an art history class. It was taught by this strange looking hippie woman with really long hair and a bandanna. She was horribly monotone and right as class would start, she would turn off the lights and turn on the slides. This class was also at 4:30 in the afternoon. So...when I wasn't sleeping in her class (which made up probably 90% of my time in that classroom), I was listening to her assign sexuality and phallic symbolism to every piece of artwork ever created. "What do these pots represent?" Silence. "Anyone? These here in the foreground." More silence. "The ones just in front of the cows." Annoyed silence. "Well, clearly, these represent the vagina. And the spears?" Confused silence. "The ones right here, leaning against the cart." Uhhh...the...penis? "Yes! Thank you!" Umm...okay then.

Anyway, what I took away from that class is that everything in the world ever revolves around sex. You think you're looking at a painting of a vase? Oh, your silly, untrained eye. That's a vagina. That goat? Pent up sexual frustration. The baby Jesus? Uhh...that's still the baby Jesus. But that sheep baaaing sweetly next to him?! Totally a ding dong.

It's the same way when you listen to a sociologist (or Maxim writer). You're buying that cologne to appeal to a woman...so you can have sex with her! Your job, your clothes, your actions, your decisions...everything you do points to one single, simple goal. Getting some. Now. Maybe you agree with this, maybe you don't (I'm only sorta halfway on the fence with this one. We are just mammals, after all). If you do subscribe to this theory, then...well, what's the point of being physically perfect and rich beyond your wildest dreams (assuming you go the "genie" route) if you can't even have sex with your new model girlfriend?

I don't know. Is sex the endgame? Is that really all life is about? Surely the Meaning of Life isn't "getting laid," right?! Anyway...what the hell was I talking about? Ah, my price tag for a lifetime of celibacy. $600 billion and a pet genie. And a harem of blow-up dolls.