Gimme that shovel. Time to plant some roots.

When I was driving to work today, I pulled up next to an Aztec Party Rentals truck. From what I had time to read/see on the side of the truck, it seems they set up tents/tables/chairs for weddings, birthdays, parties, bar mitzvahs and so on. Looking at that truck I thought about how I'd be spending the next eight hours of my life staring into a computer screen and wasting away under the fluorescent lights of my office. I have to admit, it depressed me a little. Do you ever have days like that? Where you wish you had a blue collar job? Not to go all "Peter Gibbons" on you, but sometimes I think a day of backbreaking construction work would be more gratifying than a day of Power Point presentations and nonsensical marketing mumbo-jumbo.

I don't know. It just seems like those guys are actually doing something. Not "something" in the sense that they're making a difference in the world, but "something" in the sense that they can answer the question, "what did you do today?" in a very real, tangible way. "Well, I drove the truck to this country club, opened up the back, had a cup of coffee, unloaded the tables, set up the tent..." Although, it's pretty easy to long for a job like that when you're sitting comfortably in a cubicle with no real pressure or stress (job-wise or otherwise). And I absolutely love this job when I've been out the night before and need to spend the day drinking water, popping Advils and staring into space. Anyway.

So I did a little casual investigating on match dot com last night. Just poking around, seeing who's out there. I think I'm finally ready to take the plunge. I even registered (that is, I gave them my email address and created a screen name) so I could actually look at the profiles (side note: my screen name is GreenGlovesTX. I know it's terrible - "Green Gloves" is a song by the National - but what's the alternative? BigRob55? RedRaider798789? FatterInPerson? Anyway, I discovered when I was looking around that the screen names were secondary anyway. The truth is, everything hinges on the picture. Either you're gonna click on that profile because they're attractive or ignore it because they're not attractive. GreenGlovesTX doesn't pigeonhole me, but it's intriguing enough. And if by some stroke of luck, a girl happens to listen to the National? Well, that's even better. So there.).

So why now? Why am I finally signing up for this? (assuming I do.) Well, sadly, my dating life is sort of in the tank. I've been single for about four months now (granted, I was a sniveling mess for the majority of that time), but haven't really met anyone all that promising. Things with Alyson are continuing to be frustrating. I would say the relationship is starting to fizzle out, but every time I say that, we end up going out for drinks and spending the night together and whole maddening process starts over again. But here's the thing about those kinds of arrangements: they never end well. One person always ends up becoming too attached and once that happens, it's all over. And lately I've been thinking about her more and kinda...I don't know...needing her (she doesn't call me enough, I wish I could see her more, etc.), and it's frustrating.

A couple of friends have hypothesized that she probably really likes me and is keeping it casual because she doesn't think I want more. And if I'd just ask her out to dinner or something, maybe this relationship could blossom. Well, I appreciate the sentiment, because usually that's how it goes. As a rule (and I don't think I'm being sexist here), women are more emotion-driven and surely she can't just want sex. And surely she thinks about me and wants to hold hands and say sweet things and get flowers and all that. But I have to tell people, she is, in fact, in this purely for the physical compensation. In fact, in an interesting turn of events, I'm the one who asks her to dinner and calls her, but she doesn't really respond to it. Instead, she'll come over when the mood strikes her, pounce on me, then go on her merry way. It's really weird. Now, maybe it's because I'm 28 and I'm starting to get those pangs to settle down and she's 22 and has no interest in settling down. But (in case you were wondering) I have tried to take things to a more relationshippy level, to no avail.

Of course the obvious question is why am I trying to take this to another level, even though it's clear we're not right for each other. She doesn't challenge me intellectually, we don't have that much in common (in fact, I can count on one hand the things we have in common: we both went to Texas Tech, both hated working in PR, both briefly lived in New York, both sleep with a fan and both sleep with one leg draped outside of the blanket. That's it). And she usually dates those "man's man" types - a category I definitely don't fit into. So why am I forcing the issue? Well. My friend Beth just got engaged (hooray!). Another friend of mine is (kinda) engaged. My sister is pregnant. Another one of my "friend couples" (frupples?) just moved into a new house. I think all of these things (coupled with whatever it is in my DNA that's telling me it's time to plant some roots) are making me anxious about settling down and Alyson just happens to be the closest thing I have to a real relationship right now (which is pathetic). I just need more, I guess. So it's Match to the rescue. And besides, my motto in life is "why the hell not?" and this seems to fit nicely into that philosophy.

Now. The fact remains that the whole endeavor feels awkward and unnatural to me. I've always thought there was just too much information in those profiles. Like you're buying a dishwasher online or something. The fun in getting to know someone is...getting to know them. Where is the fun when you have all that information upfront? When I was using Craig's List to look for a new apartment in New York, I learned something very quickly: the more you write in your email (or in this case, profile), the more reason you're giving them not to call you. I would write these beautiful, funny, informative e-mails about who I was and why I'd be the perfect roommate, and I never heard back. Then I shortened them to include only: my name, my age and my job, and the calls started rolling in. I feel the same way about dating websites. You're looking for any reason not to call that person, because in this environment, you have the luxury of being able to judge them as harshly as you want without being judged in return (well, you are being judged in return, but it's nothing you'll ever know about). So I need to work on my profile. And try to make it vague, yet interesting. Broad, yet inviting. We'll see.

Update: Wouldn't you know it, the second I open my mouth...I spent the entire morning doing a little "blue collar work," cleaning out a storage closet packed to the ceiling with old ads, cardboard cutouts, files, giveaways and miscellaneous crap (including straw hats, dishes and metal lunchpails!). I take back what I said about the supposed gratification of a hard day of work. I'm too lazy for that. I'll never doubt you again, cubicle!