Penny, part two

Well, as I mentioned in my last posting, the date with Penny wasn't really anything to write home about. I think she lost me when she admitted she had a porn collection and used to smoke weed five times a day. Seriously, she turned into the John Stewart character from "Half Baked"..."I would study high, take tests high, go to work high...we would go to IMAX high. Everything is just more fun when you're high."

And she asked if I listened to "the Buzz," which is Houston's awful, awful "alternative" radio station (the kind of station that should be playing new music, but refuses to play anything released in the last ten years. I swear they've gone through fifteen copies of Nirvana's Unplugged album). She said how much she loved their morning show (yuck!) and she knew those guys, etc, etc. Obviously that's not a deal-breaker, like if she'd told me she had Syphilis or something. It was just kind of a "Oh. Hmmm." moment.

Anyway, I kinda shrugged and wrote her off, but realized I may have been expecting too much from her. I mean, it was our first meeting, after all. We were working through the initial "blind date weirdness" and "getting to know you" stuff, so why would I walk away after getting over the awkwardness hump? Besides, she was pretty and she was fun, and she's clever and I like emailing back and forth with her. So why not see what happens? Anyway, she called me last night to see if I wanted to meet up with her at this bar. She was going to be with two friends. Hmmm...I wasn't sure how I felt about her "home court advantage," but I felt confident and comfortable enough, so I went. And it really was better the second time! It was easier to talk to her, we had stuff to talk about, it was just...better. Admittedly, I was a little shy around her friends, but that dissipated as the night wore on. And, as it turns out, my friend Kristen was in town from Brooklyn, so the home court advantage was neutralized!

We ended up having a lot of drinks (again), and she did stay at my apartment. Nothing happened (which was disappointing), but it was good. And now we have tentative plans for a third (going to dinner) and fourth (she wants to make me dinner) meeting! Again, I'm still not 100% sure what I think of her, but it's fun. Ah! And I'm supposed to be meeting Fanny for drinks on Saturday. This could get verrrry interesting.

One more thing, I've been kicking around a concept that I think would revolutionize (read: ruin) online dating and make it more efficient, more interesting and more exciting. I call it "The Matchelor." Here's the premise: you sign up for Match dot com's seven day free trial. That first day, you spend hours (I mean hours) emailing every girl that appeals to you at all. Be as ambitious as you want, be as forgiving as you want. Shotgun approach. Cast a wide net. You get the idea. The emails should be funny and engaging. They should mention something in the girl's profile so it doesn't look like you're just emailing everyone (which you kinda are). You should seem interesting and fun and desirable. Don't say anything about meeting up for a drink just yet. You don't want to force the issue. Besides, you're just gauging their interest. However, this first email is key.

Day two, you check your email. I've found that people who use Match respond pretty quickly if they're interested. Email them back. Day three, you check your email again. At this point, the deadline has passed; if they haven't emailed you by now, it ain't happening. And depending on how many emails you sent in that first wave, you should have a pretty decent number of emails to respond to. Now you should sit back with a satisfied grin on your face, put your hands behind your head and say something obnoxious, because you're staring at the lucky contestants for this season's "The Matchelor."

Day four, five and six you need to be an emailing fool. Check your inbox fifteen times a day if you need to. After all, you're on a bit of a time crunch. By the second and third email you can casually ask if they want to meet for a drink. I've also found that most girls will happily volunteer their personal email address and phone number within one or two emails. The Match email system isn't all that user friendly, and people usually feel more comfortable writing from gmail/hotmail anyway. I mean, if someone walks up behind you at work and sees you're writing an email, they think nothing of it. But if someone walks up behind you at work and sees you're on Match writing an email...well, it's a little embarrassing. Anyway, day seven, cancel your subscription. You've made the most of your seven days and you should have email addresses and phone numbers for all the lucky ladies. Granted, canceling your subscription means you won't be able to check your Match email, but they're not gonna be emailing you from their Match profile anymore anyway.

Now you've moved onto the "first meeting" portion of "The Matchelor." It's entirely possible notecards would need to come into play at this point. Name, college, job, interests, photo, etc. Feel free to tape these cards up on your wall in an NCAA-style bracket. After the first round of drinks (which could take a couple weeks, and will be very exhausting and very expensive), make some cuts. Round two might involve dinner (again, time consuming, expensive), but you can make some more cuts. Round three, you make them dinner, watch a movie, snuggle up on the couch. By now you should know who you're really interested in, so you can take it from there.

Now, it's too late for me, since I've already blown through my seven day free trial, but I'm convinced this would work. You would be drinking a lot (although, when you're going to the bar to refresh her drink, you could always just get yourself a club soda with lime), you'd be spending a lot, you wouldn't be sleeping much and would probably end up making yourself sick...but, you'd probably be doing a lot of the sex and you'd be having a lot of fun and hell, you might even meet your soulmate! (disclaimer: you should never, ever, ever tell this hypothetical soulmate about your Match experiment). And not to exclude my female friends, this concept would certainly work for a "Matchelorette" as well.

So. What do you think?

(side note: I'm officially on the fence with the title now. Due to the potential for a bracket-based format, "Match Madness" might work better. And I can't decide if this little concept means I'm a genius or if it means I'm scummy. Hmmm...)