Days Of Our Lives

This blerrrg is a bad idea. I probably shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out in public. In fact, all blerrrgs are stupid. I just spent the last few minutes tapping the "Next Blog" link, and the things I read were just ridiculous. Most were in another language, but every once in awhile you'd come across one in English that said things like, "Boo! I'm irritable today. The world is going mad, or am I the one going mad?" Oh, give me a break, Edgar Alan. I don't know why I think my postings are any more insightful or interesting than anyone else's, but I don't really give a shit. I'm gonna keep writing, even though one day this damn thing is going to get me into a lot of trouble.
Last night was interesting. I had asked New Girl to come over after work to watch a movie (translation: put on a movie and mess around). She didn't sound too enthustiastic about the idea, and said something like, "Umm...I don't think I have anything to do...umm...yeah...sure. That sounds good." Meanwhile, I could see her brain working as fast as possible to come up with a reason to get out of it. Great. So, as I was leaving work, I went up to say bye to her, and I waved and said, "Okay, so I'll see you at about 7:30ish?" "Yeah! But, I may be exhausted, so I'll give you a call." Ah ha! I knew you'd come up with something! Good job! On the way home, I got discouraged. I was thinking, "Well, I guess I like her more than she likes me. She has been acting a little weird lately. She seems so apprehensive and guarded, and not in one of those easy 'there's a wall there' type ways either. Hmm...shit. This little relationship didn't last very long, did it. Damn."
So, I went home and took a nap on the couch, since I sleep when I'm discouraged (I slept A LOT for the first few months after college. Fuckin' job hunting!) and she called at around 6:30. She was like, "Do you want to meet for dinner at my uncle's friend's restaurant?" Okay, sure, that's great, that'll be fun, that's...your turf. Uh oh. But I didn't really think about that. I met up with her, and we headed over there. We sat and talked for awhile, about taking risks and moving and stupid shit like that, and suddenly she started getting nervous and looking around, and said, "I have to tell you something." Oh. God. Dammit. This is never good. Immediately my face got hot, and I wanted to put my head down, or turn around, or something. "I think you're great. I love hanging out with you, and getting coffee with you, and all that." I squinted one eye, half because I was bracing myself for what was next, and half because I didn't believe a word she was saying. That she was softening the blow. "Remember that ex-boyfriend I dated for a year and a half?" Uh huh. "I'm kinda...still...dating him." Umm...okay. That was weird. What exactly are you saying? That this isn't what you thought it would be, and you've decided to stay with your boyfriend? Then she went on about how her relationship with him is bad, and they'd been friends since they were eight, and she wasn't quite sure how to end it, blahblahblah...And it took me about five minutes of listening to realize that she does like me, and wants to make this work, but needs me to know that she's in the middle of a strange situation right now. Okay. So now what? I'm not really a "knee-jerk reaction" type of guy. I don't know how I feel about something right as I'm hearing it. I need to digest, and analyze, and think, then I come to a conclusion. I know that's very right-brained of me. So here I sit, as of today, mid-digestion. I don't know what I'm gonna do. If she can date him and date me independently, successfully, without anyone knowing, how am I supposed to trust that she's not doing it later in the relationship? And I'm not sure how I feel about being "the other guy." There are two things in a relationship that I run from the second they appear. Drama. And competition. When two guys are fighting over a girl, the girl turns into a possession, and I don't want to play tug-of-war with some dude to prove who's got the bigger ding dong. So, as of today, there's no resolution. To be continued...