I was doing a little grocery shopping yesterday after work, when I noticed that HEB, the greatest grocery store in Austin, was unveiling a new flavor of their house brand chips (which are probably called something like HEBeetos). Anyway, the signs posted throughout the store trumpeting the arrival of the new flavor all had the same tagline: "they're crunchalicious!!" Alright. If you've had a conversation with me in the past three months, and we've steered anywhere near the topic of advertising, you've heard me bring up the following fact: Chili's has a new ad campaign, and their new slogan is "It's Spice-alicious!" And I think it's fucking terrible.
My initial response to "Spice-alicious" was "what?!" Not "what" as in "I don't understand this word you're using." More like, "what? Has Chili's handed over its entire advertising budget to a high school marketing association?" I get it, I get it (or at least I think I get it). Pop culture has given us such gems as "Bootylicious" and "Fergielicious," so their thinking (one would assume) was something along the lines of "if we're gonna reach the urban demographic, we have to make up our own words! They respond to that! In fact, maybe our word will make it into the everyday urban lexicon, thus causing suburban teenagers who emulate the urban lifestyle to use our new slang word. Thus sending our product sales skyrocketing!" But let's be honest. Spicealicious and crunchalicious. They're both ridiculous, and chances are neither will ever lead to someone saying, "ooh, that girl is spicealicious!...hey...anyone want to go to Chili's?"
Something else I noticed during my shopping adventure (this is how seldom I go to the grocery store. An entire blog posting results from it); they were playing a Hawthorne Heights song over the loudspeaker. Not a muzak version of it (do people use the word "muzak" anymore?), but the song itself, in all its agonizingly, faux-heartbreakingly apologetic glory. Is there a stronger indication of the lameness of your band than being played in an HEB? People are buying diapers. Kids are crying for Cocoa Pebbles (I feel your pain, kid). Frugal old women are thoughtfully comparing boxes of frozen corn. There's nothing "punk rock" about it. Or "screamo/emo/post-punk." However you would categorize them, it doesn't apply to HEB.
Update from yesterday: Is it possible "Bert Richards" could become the new euphemism for cocaine? Can we get Urban Dictionary to approve this? Can we start leaking this into conversation? Clearly, I'm obsessed with this story.
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3 comments:
I'm kind of sad my blow phase passed. I would totally rock the "Bert Richards". Leno's "Blow Pop" was nice too, but I'll pass on the ash.
Chili's is my client. I am the reason they are making Austin aware they are "spicealicious." Sorry.
Hawthorne Heights = Lamealicious
if you really wanna see some frugal old women, come up to my walgreen's. they have all their coupons out and ONLY buy those items. and if a sale has expired, they will haggle with the poor 16 year old salesguy about it until a manager is called. at which time, they get the sale price. i love those old bats.
-megan
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