Well, the battle rages on. We're in day two of my stand against the throat germs. I've had eight packets of Emergen-C since yesterday, and I don't plan on slowing down. Can you have too much Vitamin C? I'm pretty sure if you cut me open right now, I would bleed lemonade. But I don't care, I'm not going down without a fight. Hopefully this will all go away when the sun comes out tomorrow. That's how it works, right? I was thinking about going to a walk-in clinic, but just stepping foot through the door costs $135. Yeesh. It's times like these I wish I lived in Mexico. I would be feeling no pain right now. Then I could get back to work at the donkey show. Wait. What?
So I was sort of half-watching Heroes last night, and I saw a commercial for chemistry dot com out of the corner of my eye. I've always been skeptical about online dating. The whole process just seems kind of pitiful to me. Granted, meeting people can be tricky, because outside of work and bars, what else is there? But surely this is a last resort. Maybe I'm being a little too proud - because I'd like to think I have the social skills to approach someone new in a social setting - but maybe this is something I should investigate? Are there actual normal people on this thing?
I was scanning through the profiles, and some of the people seemed genuinely interesting. But the problem with online dating is that everything is already laid out for you. There's really nothing you need to discover for yourself. And if the person on the other end doesn't completely wow you, your first instinct is to hit the "back" button and soldier on. The last time I had a girlfriend (which, at this point, seems like a lifetime ago), we met at work. I saw her, I thought she was cute, I talked to her when I could, we went out, we got together, the end. It wasn't until two or three dates in that I discovered that she had terrible taste in music. She hadn't bought a CD that had been released since 1977. And this bothered me, because I've always really wanted to date someone with cool taste in music. So when I made her a mix CD, it fell on deaf ears. She called it "whiny." Terrific. And when she made me a mix CD, I hated it. I don't like Led Zepplin, I've never listened to the Who, I don't like listening to classic rock. I'm sorry. I just don't. If I had scanned her page on a dating website, I would've said, "my, she's cute. Hmm...she seems to have a cool job. Well, she lives in Hoboken, but I guess that's okay....oh no. Led Zepplin?! No thanks." (click). The end. To be honest, we weren't right for each other anyway (the musical differences were just the tip of the iceburg). She didn't have any real interests to speak of. She was sort of serious and not at all spontaneous. She didn't really like going out. She was content to sit and watch movies all day (which I just can't do). She didn't really have any good girlfriends (this is always a red flag for me). I don't know. Maybe it would've been better if I could've seen that we were incompatible from the beginning, but I also learned a lot during the year of our on-again/off-again romance. The whole online process just seems kind of cold. Like you're shopping for a dishwasher or something.
However, it should be said that I'm a bit of a sucker. I will readily admit this. I'm also extremely optimistic (almost to a fault), so I really want to believe you could actually meet someone on a dating website. So I tried it. I ran through their battery of "personality" tests, which involved a lot of really broad statements with really narrow answers, like "I believe that rules should be followed." Well, um, I agree, I guess. Do I strongly agree? Oh, I don't know. Then they had this audio clip of a woman saying, "Sorry, I can't make it to dinner tonight. (pause) I have to work late." And it asks you what she meant. Being a jealous psychopath, my response was that she was clearly lying (something wasn't right in the tone of her voice), and that I would wait a few days and call her back. This probably caused my profile to go in the "jealous boyfriend, possibly abusive, forward to the FBI" stack. They wanted honesty, they got it. So we'll see what happens. Of course, I have no intention of paying $39 a month for this service, so there's really only so much I can do on the website, but it's sort of interesting to see what's out there nonetheless. I'm sure you can find my profile on there if you look hard enough.
Tomorrow....the mailbag! Get those questions in!
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4 comments:
First, did you understand the Chemistry.com commercial? I didn't know what they were trying to get across--that eHarmony discriminates against people who are gay?? It was bizarre.
Second, I don't know if I ever told you, but I tried Match.com. It was amusing. One guy (in Dallas) called Lubbock the "promise land" and the best city in the in world. Red flag. I gulped down my wine and said, "This isn't going to go anywhere." Another guy was fun to hang out with, and he took me to ACL for my birthday. He was on the creative-weird side though--had to take breaks from the world (i.e. friends, band, girlfriend, showering) because his job writing orchestral scores for video games was too demanding. Wah?
I think you should try it. It'll be fun and provide more ammo for that great book you'll write.
Yeah, I was only sort of paying attention to the commercial (the part where the guy looked up and said, "Nope! Still gay!") I didn't really understand it, but I also wasn't really paying attention.
Another thing about online dating is that the pictures you're seeing aren't an honest representation of that person. You have to realize that the picture you're looking at was taken under perfect circumstances. I guess you just have to imagine everyone a little fatter and less attractive.
I'm more interested in your problem with Led Zepellin. I realize that your ex-girlfriend may have been as exciting as a tea-bag (and not the good kind), but Led Zepellin isn't bad. In fact, they're the exact opposite of bad. They're good. Of course, they're not the Beatles, but who is? Coming from a guy who thinks too much genius is credited to artists from past times (and knowing how easy it is to jump into one of these bands' fandom-sphere because you have a limited knowledge of music), I understand how you could call them overrated, or even boring; but the same could be said about the boys from Liverpool as well. The only one who can carry the weight of all that sanctimonious "idol-ized" crap, and back it up is Dylan. But that's ONLY because he's unassuming and affable...in my opinion. For fucks sake, the Beatles challenged Jesus...and lost. Wankers.
Whatever...if you don't like Zepellin, you don't like Zepellin. But in my book, they don't qualify as "bad taste in music." A girl who hands you a Zepellin album sure beats, "have you heard that new Nickelback song? It's amazing. That Daughtry...boy, he's taking music to new heights."
I'm quite certain you know who this is.
We need to play pitch and putt soon.
god cory sure can ramble. i wanted if they have a section for that on chemistry.com?
or homosexuals...
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